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The Enneagram & Prayer: Type Five

Posted on July 4, 2014 by Tara Owens

Type Five

The Intense, Cerebral Type:

Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Type Five in Brief

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable
Basic Desire: To be capable and competent
Enneagram Five with a Four-Wing: “The Iconoclast”
Enneagram Five with a Six-Wing: “The Problem Solver”

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), detached Fives suddenly become hyperactive and scattered at Seven. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), avaricious, detached Fives become more self-confident and decisive, like healthy Eights.

Source: The Enneagram Institute: Type Five

Type Five: The Investigator

With Type Fives, we move into the Thinking Center of the Enneagram. The Thinking or Head Center is where Type Fives, Type Sixes and Type Sevens go when they lose touch with the core of who they are. Each of the three Types in this center retreat to their heads in different ways, but each is reacting to and out a place of Fear. Where the Heart Center (2-3-4) struggle with Shame, Head Centers do their best to hide or attack the fears that plague them.

Type Fives are actually the most introverted of the nine Types. Fives are deeply motivated by the need to know or understand. They are exceptionally good at research, and will be the ones who are most able to be objective, perceptive and wise. Type Fives are trustworthy and kind; their integrity is one of the most important things for them to maintain.

Type Fives value their inner order, so much so that new information often disturbs and discomforts them. Type Fives need time to integrate new ideas, feelings or experiences into their own inner world, and will regularly withdraw in order to have space to make sense of things. Although they are stereotyped as bookish or intellectual, Type Fives are observers whose focus may be on a particular topic rather than a mode of research.

Because they fear being hurt, Fives strive to reduce their vulnerabilities. Although they can often articulate their feelings quite perceptively, that doesn’t mean that they’re actually in touch with those feelings as they compartmentalize with great skill. Type Fives are often the most difficult to engage with on an emotional level because they value their privacy so highly—they simply won’t share how they are feeling until they feel completely safe with you. Fives have a passion for absorbing information; they often feel like they have a bottomless pit inside of them that they seek to fill with knowledge, resources, observations and collections. More than other types, Fives are collectors—stamps, wine, books, pictures or simply odds and ends that seem important to they.

That bottomless pit inside of a Type Five leads them to feel like they are unwanted and they often experience a great deal of emptiness inside. This leads to their voracious consumption of information and observation. (Type Fives often need glasses earlier than other types, and can often be either casual or professional photographers because “taking” pictures fills them, even temporarily.) Because they take a long time to process, people close to a Type Five can feel ignored or cocooned in silence as the Five assimilates new information and attempts to make a decision by themselves. Fives are afraid that if you give people an inch they will take a mile, so they often refuse to give even a millimeter. The root sin of Type Fives is avarice, which, unlike gluttony, doesn’t have to do with material goods or worldly possessions, but rather an insatiable desire to hold on to what you have, not sharing or giving to others. Type Fives are often seen as “takers” rather than “givers”, and find parental roles particularly difficult.

Type Fives are a particular gift to communities and to the world. When they are operating in a healthy, balanced place, Fives let go of their fear of being vulnerable and offer their considerable powers of observation and reflection to the world. Type Fives make excellent counselors or support people—they have the ability to listen to others for hours on end, taking in information, synthesizing and absorbing all that they other person is giving. And then, with their great stores of knowledge and wisdom, Fives will shift the perspective in such a way as to bring truth and freedom to others. At their best, Fives help others make wise, whole-hearted and objective movements into the world and into relationship.

Type Fives & Prayer

Although Type Fives will enter spiritual direction as a way of learning more about God and about themselves, they are a particularly difficult Type for most directors to journey with. This is because Type Fives are so interior and private that the very thing that makes spiritual direction most successful—vulnerability and transparency—is deeply threatening and frightening to an average Five. Those in relationship with a Five have to be careful to give them space to incorporate new ideas and information without rushing them into a response, while still encouraging them to open up and share the raw places within themselves. Some prayer types that are most useful for a Type Five:

Prayers of Compassion
Prayer of the Senses
Prayer of Belovedness
Conversational Prayer
Prayer in Groups

Prayers of Compassion

Although Type Fives can be incredibly perceptive of the feelings and responses of others, their fear tends to drive them away from truly encountering the suffering of others. A particular practice of prayer that is helpful for this type is a prayer of compassion—prayer that engages the imagination on behalf of those who are struggling, in pain or in grief. Type Fives might start this type of prayer by imagining the experience of those far away from them (women sold into sexual trafficking in South East Asia, families who have lost everything in political conflict in unstable countries), calling to mind in vivid detail what it might look like and feel like to be with that person or people in those circumstances. While this imagination can seem exploitative if left at this point, Type Fives need to take their imagination first to heart (to feel and experience the suffering) and then to God in prayer.

Eventually, Type Fives will be able to transition this prayer to those are are in their immediate surroundings, as imaginative prayer for those in their circles and communities who are experiencing heartbreak, sickness, oppression and loss. As they do this, Type Fives will be motivated to move toward their area of integration and move into the world like an average Eight, as their prayers shift to compassionate action on behalf of others.

For Type Fives, this type of prayer can be summarized in these words: “Lord, break my heart for the things that break Your heart.”

Prayer of the Senses

As Observers, Type Fives like to take in the world through their eyes. They read, they watch, they take pictures. Prayers that integrate their whole selves into communion with God (and with all their other parts) are therefore deeply valuable—and sometimes very difficult and frustrating for a Type Five. Prayers of the Senses are prayers that use the senses as a form of attending to God and His goodness in the world. To pray this way, we engage all of our various ways of absorbing the gifts around us—taste, touch, smell, sight, hearing—in a holistic experience of the present moment. An easy way to start this type of prayer is to eat meals mindfully, to intentionally slow down your eating so that you can absorb all the various tastes of the food in your mouth, the smell of the nourishment that is coming to you, the way things feel in your mouth. Paying attention in this way naturally leads to wonder, thanksgiving and praise—have you ever really tasted a fresh raspberry? It’s hard to not turn toward God in worship.

Prayers of the senses are an engaged form of prayer that focuses on the gift of the now, releasing problems and worries, and, most importantly for a Type Five, fears. To be in the present moment with God, engaging the senses right now rather than analyzing or worrying, helps a Type Five to receive God’s love and overwhelming care for them in their places of emptiness.

Prayers of Belovedness

That place of emptiness in a Type Five can lead to further withdrawal and isolation. Type Fives need a long time to assimilate new information; they can often be skeptical or cynical until they’ve done their own research. Prayers of Belovedness, prayers that acknowledge the One who hung the stars also deeply cares for the Type Fives specifically help to move Type Fives away from filling their own emptiness toward letting God fill them.

This prayer can take the simple form of breathing in and out the words, “I am the beloved of God.” This can start with just a few moments of this prayer, but it even more transformative if it stretches into minutes or long periods where this prayer simply moves through all parts of yourself in deep communion with God.

Another way to practice this prayer is to take the words of the Father in Matthew 3:17 (And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”) and allow God to speak them to you specifically. This involves spending time with the passage, allowing the words to penetrate. God does say of you that you are His child, whom He loves, with whom He is well pleased.

Conversational Prayer

Because they spend a lot of time in their heads in an introverted, alone space, Type Fives often benefit from developing a conversational prayer life with God. This is different from simply giving God a laundry list and going—which isn’t a good relational strategy for any relationship, let alone that with God. Instead, this type of prayer takes the time to dialogue with God about what God is feeling or thinking about a particular issue or topic, and responding conversationally.

For those who haven’t had experience of a conversational relationship with God, some suggestions I make for beginning are things like starting out this type of prayer by journaling. Explore your thoughts and feelings about something on paper, and then invite God to speak into the situation. Write down the words or ideas that you feel like you hear from God; don’t worry about getting it “wrong” or “right”, just allow the voice of the Divine to share. I particularly recommend Frank Laubach’s book, Letters from A Modern Mystic, if you’re looking for a way to begin the conversational journey with God.

If writing out your prayers feels artificial, simply set aside some time to have a real conversation with God. Ask God questions, aloud or silently, about what God feels about simple things. It’s helpful to chose things that you know the answer to, because if you hear something other than some version of “yes” to a question like, “Do you love me, God?”, you know that there are voices other than God’s speaking. Be creative in this type of conversation, and practice patience as you wait for God to speak. It may take a while to get used to, but it will be fruitful.

Prayer in Groups

The most introverted of the types, Fives find sharing their prayer life with others particularly fearful and difficult. Thus, prayer in groups is a huge stretch for a Five, whose interior world is a place where very few are allowed to visit. Praying in groups of safe people, even if the prayer is silent, is a very helpful exercise for Type Fives. The ability to be with others as they speak to God helps a Five to stay in the moment and to release the fear of being judged or praying “wrong.” It also develops in a Five the ability to enter into the conversation with God by overhearing how others speak to Christ. Sharing this intimate space may be a long, slow journey for a Five, but doing so opens them to intimacy with others and with God. Starting with simple presence—attentive silence without needing to add words—is a helpful beginning, as it takes the pressure off of a Five to articulate what’s going on inside. Once a certain comfort level has been reached, Fives can be encouraged to share their prayers with the group in a more ad hoc manner. Praying in groups is particularly helpful in situations where no feedback is given after the prayer. This time without response allows the Five to assimilate all that she or he has experienced in a way that feels life-giving instead of threatening.

Another Note On Prayer:

Type Fives cope with their feelings of inadequacy or incompetence by retreating from the world and defending themselves against it. This response to their perceived powerlessness actually serves to increase their distance from reality, rather than inviting them into the world to move and shape things and discover how they in particular are a vital expression of the Kingdom of God. In prayer, anything that grounds a Type Five in the present moment—the experience of the now—is deeply important, because it takes them out of their minds and into the spaces where they can most readily experience God’s love and provision for them. Because of their defenses, Type Fives often feel uncared for by God. Type Fives do well to remember that God is their protection and their provision, to hear God’s words to Abram as God’s words to them, as well: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” (Genesis 15:1, NIV)

Type Five Playlist

(developed by Jennifer Brukiewa of Attending Grace Ministries)

Now it’s your turn.

Are you a Five?

What prayer forms have proven most helpful for you?

What ways do you struggle with prayer and your relationship with God?

Share with us in the comments.

Sources: The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert, The Enneagram and Spiritual Direction: Nine Paths to Spiritual Guidance by James Empereur, The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele, and Using the Enneagram in Prayer by Suzanne Zuercher.

Interested in more? You can read about the other types by clicking on the image below.

PS If you haven’t joined us already, please consider signing up for Anam Cara’s newest eCourse, The Kingdom of Ordinary Time, which starts on July 7. There are only a two days left to register!

The Ennegram & Prayer: Type Four

Posted on June 25, 2014 by Tara Owens

Join me in welcoming back the Enneagram & Prayer series! Thanks for your grace as I’ve taken a needed break. Type Five will be posted next Wednesday, July 2. Today, enjoy reflections on Type Fours and Prayer.

Type Four

The Sensitive, Introspective Type:

Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temeperamental

Type Four in Brief

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)
Enneagram Four with a Three-Wing: “The Aristocrat”
Enneagram Four with a Five-Wing: “The Bohemian”

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a “rescuer.”

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), aloof Fours suddenly become over-involved and clinging at Two. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), envious, emotionally turbulent Fours become more objective and principled, like healthy Ones.

Source: The Enneagram Institute: Type Four

Type Four: The Individualist

Part of the reason the series has been suspended has been life circumstances—but part of the reason is that the hardest type to examine, pull apart and evaluate honestly is your own. As a Type Four, I’ve had to do my work to ensure that these resources, prayers and information aren’t coming out of places of disintegration and scrambling for me, especially as I’ve encountered my own blocks to prayer and relationship with God.

Type Fours are the final of the heart-centered triad. Of all the types, they are the most connected to and aware of their own feelings—often to their detriment. Fours can be so attached to their feelings that they live in them, rather than in reality. Alternately, they seek situations, relationships and circumstances that heighten their connection to their emotional world, they gravitate toward what other types would call “drama.”

Type Fours are often called the “artists” of the Enneagram, which can surprise some Fours who don’t have any connection to the more traditional art worlds. Although many Fours have found some type of artistic expression, Fours are called “artists” because they shape, script and form all of life. The active inner world of the Four projects outward on their expectations and hopes of others. Unlike Ones who have a concrete Ideal in mind, Fours usually have some sense of the way the world, and relationships in particular, “should” go and are often disappointed when their more romantic projection of things isn’t realized. In general, Fours have a tendency to invite people into “their world” (beautiful and carefully constructed, of course) rather than moving out to encounter others on their own terms.

Type Fours are highly sensitive and deeply aware of the beauty around them. At their best, they have an uncanny ability to sense and accurately discern the feelings of others, as well as the “sense” of spaces and groups. Fours relish the symbolic, and see layers of meaning in even the most mundane of experiences. Dreams and artistic visions are important to Fours, and they often dress iconoclastically in order to express the beauty and uniqueness they themselves desire to communicate to the world. Fours are able to perceive multiple layers to reality and as a result they often live in a longing for deeper beauty, deeper meaning, deeper experience.

As do Twos and Threes, Fours can struggle with feelings of shame and of inadequacy. Because Fours perceive keenly the beauty and life around them, they tend to experience the present moment as continually disappointing—and often blame this on either themselves for not having the ability to express what is within them or they blame it on others for being unable to match the extraordinary script that the Four has unknowingly written for them. Because they are so attuned to their inner lives, they often express their disappointments as aggression toward themselves. The besetting sin of a Four is envy, a deep desire to have what others seem to possess. Unlike greed, however, this envy is actually an envy of the seeming contentment, uniqueness or beauty of others. In a word, Type Fours are envious of the seeming happiness of others, something that their inherent sensitivity for melancholy seems to prevent them from experiencing. Type Fours are often discontent in the present moment, believing that the key to the happiness they seek is either in the past or the future.

The glory of the Type Four is their ability to both feel and express the depth of emotion—both positive and negative—around them. A healthy Four has the ability to hold together light and dark, happiness and sadness, the gifts of the present and the desire for more. Type Fours can express symbolically and emotionally the deep currents flowing through all of us, and are often those who call us toward more beauty and life. In healthy places, Fours can express themselves authentically without artifice or drama, and don’t need to experience extreme highs or lows in order to feel alive.

Type Four & Prayer

Type Fours gravitate quite easily to spiritual direction and the examination of the interior life. While unbalanced Fours are so externally oriented that they have difficulty identifying their emotions as their own and not projecting them on others (like an average Type Two), an average Four has the kind of self-awareness that naturally leads to self-reflection. Fours revel in silence and solitude as natural prayers, even if they are more extroverted, and can often be found in roles or volunteer positions that help others identify what’s going on deep inside. Type Fours often seek spiritual direction when their emotional lives become overwhelming and they need support in discerning what emotions are grounded in reality and relationship—the Spirit of God moving in and through them—and what emotions are the result of their false self needing to stir up deeper longing in their quest for perfection. In some Enneagram rubrics, Fours are called Perfectionists, not because they need everything to be neat and tidy, but because they are so dedicated to the Good, the Ultimate Perfect, that they fail to see the “enough” that is before them. Prayer types that are most helpful for Type Fours are:

Prayers of Gratitude
Prayer of Surrender
Jesus Prayer
Prayers of Expression (Journaling, Painting, Dance)
Prayer of Examen
Prayer of the Ordinary
The Merton Prayer

Prayers of Gratitude

Type Fours can, in general, have a tendency to focus on the melancholy side of their spirituality—to be acutely aware of how they feel they fall short (or how they believe they fall short in the eyes of others, if they have internalized a particularly stringent religious system), to the brokenness of this world, and to the ways in which they are different or misunderstood by others and even God.

Those experiences are not illegitimate; however, Type Fours tend to find a deeper sense of interior peace and balance (their cardinal virtue) when they practice regular prayers of gratitude. It is important that these prayers aren’t simply reflexive lists of what Type Fours “should” be thankful for—lists of 5 things every day or reminders that there are people starving in other countries so they should be grateful for what they have—this will make a Four even more melancholy and interior.

Instead, Fours benefit from spending some time meditating each day on the joys that they naturally enjoyed. Ice cream, the way butter melts in a pan, the feel of hot water in the shower, the way the blue of a friend’s eyes shone or the warmth of a dog beside them: these moments of simple gratitude that rise from the heart can be pondered and given thanks for. As soon as the list gets abstract (a roof over my head, enough money in the bank), it’s time to put down the exercise in prayer for another day. Sometimes these moments of genuine, heart-felt gratitude stretch for a long time, and others they are over in a few minutes, but this type of attention-giving to what has been beautiful or joy-filled in a day helps the Type Four stay grounded in the gifts of the moment.

Prayers of Surrender

Type Fours can be so attached to the vision of how things would work out most beautifully and well in their imagination that reality simply never measures up. Fours benefit from prayers of surrender as a way of releasing their own version of events to God and embracing what comes before them with whole-hearted trust. The first line of Psalm 23 (indeed, all of the psalm) is helpful for Fours: “The LORD is my shepherd, I will experience nothing as missing.”

This kind of surrender into God’s care and provision helps Fours release and relax into the now, allowing them to experience God’s goodness in and through the moment they are in. This type of prayer can be a meditative repetition of Psalm 23, or a simple prayer of “What is, is enough”, or a detailed surrendering to God of the Four’s plans and expectations. Most Fours will know which is most appropriate at which moment.

The Jesus Prayer

A simple but ancient prayer (Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner), this breath prayer is helpful for Type Fours because of its ease of repetition and the humble heart posture it requires. The most common way to pray this prayer is quietly, meditatively and repetitively over a fixed period of time, noticing how the interior reactions to the words shift within us over time. For Fours in particular, the Jesus Prayer is helpful in its simplicity and focus on Christ and His action in our lives.

Prayers of Expression (Journaling, Painting, Dancing)

As naturally expressive and artistic types, Fours benefit from harnessing this mode of being in their relationship with God. Journalling as a type of prayer helps a Four to be in dialogue with God and with themselves—articulating their emotions and experiences in a more concrete form. This putting things to paper helps get sometimes dreamy Fours out of the abstract and into a place of conscious reflection that gives them a sense of who they are and who God is for them at the moment, which can lead to the kind of definitive transformation that happens when Fours lean into their growing edge and become more like Ones.

Expressive prayer for Fours doesn’t have to be in words. In fact, when Fours feel overwhelmed or disconnected, sometimes the best forms of prayer are both expressive and wordless: painting, taking photographs, dancing or exercising. Those activities are not necessarily prayer in and of themselves, but they can become avenues of connecting with God in prayer when they are undertaken consciously and meditatively. When Fours can let go of the need to make something “beautiful” (Ira Glass’s reminder on the trap of having “good taste” is helpful for a Four here) and simply express themselves in paint, movement or song to God, deep interior freedom and intimacy opens up for them in ways they often don’t expect. When they let their current expressions be enough, the presence of God can be felt in the moment and Fours are moved to awe and praise.

The Prayer of Examen

An ancient prayer form, the Prayer of Examen can be used at the end of the day, end of a week, a month, a season or a year. The Daily Examen is attributed to St. Ignatius and is a kind of review of the day that helps the individual grow in sensitivity to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives and in the world. The Daily Examen in its various forms is particularly helpful for Type Fours because it grounds them in the details of their lives and helps them to see specifically where God is moving in their lives. Fours may resist the Examen at first because it feels too structured or imposed (a helpful movement toward an integrated Type One, nonetheless), but after some time of relaxing into the rhythms of the prayers and finding there a deeper intimacy with God, Fours find the Examen particularly rewarding. There are a few different forms of the Examen prayer that I find helpful. You can find them here, here, and here.

Prayer of the Ordinary

Because Type Fours have such a gift for what is beautiful and good, they often feel disappointed with their daily lives, feeling that relationships are not going well, or that their lives are not what they should be. This is why “prayers of the ordinary” can be so helpful for a Type Four. Prayers of the Ordinary (something that is sometimes called practicing the presence of God, after the book by Brother Lawrence) are a type of prayer that focuses on being aware of the gift of the ordinary moment and the presence of God within it. Prayers of the Ordinary notice and acknowledge the beauty and gift of the way soap suds feel when you are doing the dishes, or the weight of wet laundry in your hands reminding you that this practical task is a way of loving and caring for those around you. Prayers of the Ordinary refuse to look for some “transcendent moment” that is elsewhere, on some mountaintop with God, but instead focus on the way that God is present in the dirty carpet or the screaming children or the act of getting groceries. These prayers don’t have to be prayers of gratitude necessarily (although they often lead that direction) but are instead physical and spiritual noticings of the gift of being alive and the constant, caring presence of God with us all.

The Merton Prayer

Thomas Merton is a famous and well-read Type Four. Deeply connected to God and to the interior life, Merton nonetheless struggled to stay present to the immediate in his various settings. This prayer of trust and surrender expresses many of the conflicts and questions natural to a Type Four, and can be very useful for Fours seeking a deeper life of abandonment to God:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. –Thomas Merton

Another Note On Prayer:

Type Fours can be very hard on themselves—harder, in fact, than anything they express consciously or unconsciously out toward others. Therefore it is very important for Type Fours to marinate in the love of God for and with them, no matter how they feel about themselves. Accepting God’s kindness and care, seeing themselves as chosen and delighted in particularly by the Creator of the Universe is a place of prayer and love that Fours benefit from returning to again and again. I know that my spiritual director repeatedly reminds me to “be kind to Tara,” a reminder that all Fours will find helpful. Grounding that kindness in the self-sacrificing love of God helps Fours stay away from being self-absorbed and instead frees them to express their gifts, perceptions and love on behalf of a broken and hurting world.

Type Four Playlist

(developed by Jennifer Brukiewa of Attending Grace Ministries)

Now it’s your turn.

Are you a Four?

What prayer forms have proven most helpful for you?

What ways do you struggle with prayer and your relationship with God?

Share with us in the comments.

PS If you haven’t joined us already, please consider signing up for Anam Cara’s newest eCourse, The Kingdom of Ordinary Time, which starts on July 7.

Enneagram & Prayer Series Back Next Week

Posted on June 20, 2014 by Tara Owens

I’ve had a few of you dear ones send a note asking if the Enneagram & Prayer series is going to continue. Thank you so much for checking in. It absolutely will, with Type Four & Prayer being posted next week on Wednesday, and I’ll hopefully be able to get back into more of a rhythm after that. Life circumstances have been full recently, so I appreciate your grace and patience as I embrace the fullness of my humanity (including being six months pregnant!) and my own limitations during this season.

Oh, and if you’d like to dive more into the journey together, to be part of a transformational community during the season of Ordinary Time, please consider joining us for the new Anam Cara eCourse that just opened its doors: The Kingdom of Ordinary Time.

I’m looking forward to experiencing more rhythm together, no matter how syncopated!

The Enneagram & Prayer: Type Three

Posted on May 28, 2014 by Tara Owens

A brief note: I just wanted to apologize for not getting this post live last week as I’d hoped. It’s been a challenging week for the holy mess I call my spiritual community, the folks of my church, and dwelling in grace and the Christ-life meant letting a few things go. Sarah Bessey posted eloquently last week about this in her post Lean Into the Pain (and has also had a tough week, so please do pray for her), and I’ve been leaning, learning, loving. I hope to be back on schedule now, but I’m trusting that you’ll be along for the ride no matter how bumpy it gets. So much grace to you, anam cara, soul friend.

And one more note: Richard Rohr’s daily email from the Center for Action and Contemplation has just turned to addressing the Enneagram. If you’d like to receive more Enneagram goodness, you can sign up here.

Type Three

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type:

Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Type Three in Brief

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile
Enneagram Three with a Two-Wing: “The Charmer”
Enneagram Three with a Four-Wing: “The Professional”

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), driven Threes suddenly become disengaged and apathetic at Nine. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), vain, deceitful Threes become more cooperative and committed to others, like healthy Sixes.

Source: The Enneagram Institute: Type Three

Type Three: The Achiever

Like Type Twos, Type Threes are heart-centered Types, although for the most part you wouldn’t know it. Called “The Achiever”, on the outside you wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell that Type Threes are deeply affected by their emotions and the emotions of others. Unlike Type Twos, Type Threes manage this heart-space by trying to control their own behavior, rather than trying to control or assist the behavior of others. Type Threes have the hardest time identifying and processing their own emotions on any of the types, and tend to look to others with the question of “How am I doing?” or “Am I successful?”

Type Threes tend to exude confidence and skill—and they are deeply talented and good at efficiency. In fact, efficiency is one of their deepest temptations, and they will do almost anything in order to be perceived as competent and successful. In their worst places, Type Threes vastly overestimate what they can do, overcommitting themselves and then running themselves (and often others) in the ground on order to not be perceived as a failure. Type Threes are always asking if what they are doing is of value and is having the desired effect.

Just like Twos, Threes often struggle with feelings of shame and worthlessness. Their besetting sin is deceit (or lying) and will cover over their feelings of shame by stretching the truth just a little further than it will bear. Type Threes don’t think of themselves as liars (and they don’t seem like that to others), but they are deeply tempted by the need to appear pulled together and successful, even when they are falling apart. As a result, Threes are chameleons, becoming whatever is most valued in a social setting, and convincing others (often quite well) that they are exactly the person for the job. Vulnerability and authenticity are difficult for a Three, especially while they are in process, unless they are in a place of deep safety and confidentiality. Nothing is more threatening to a Three than having their image of themselves threatened or, worse, shattered.

The glory of the Type Three is their ability to give themselves selflessly to causes that matter, achieving things not because it affirms their own sense of worth, shoring up their own faltering self-esteem, but because it is for the good of people outside of themselves. Threes living in their redeemed side give themselves to causes and themes that bring about positive change in the world, bringing peace and wholeness to those around them.

Type Three & Prayer

Type Threes most often show up to spiritual direction after a period of suffering or loss, sometimes not until the difficulties of aging bring their success-oriented trajectory to a screeching halt. When Type Threes experience something that they can’t just power their way through, they begin to ask questions about what might be beneath their scramble for achievement. Threes have difficulty identifying what’s going on in their inner world, and spiritual directors (myself included) can be fooled into aiding a struggling Three in their quest to achieve in the spiritual life (they want to learn how to feel right, meditate right, do the spiritual disciplines right). Type Threes are the quickest to drop the spiritual direction journey after just a few weeks or months, finding that this commitment to transformation isn’t something that they can “do” the way that have “done” everything else in their lives. Threes who are truly open to change will struggle openly with the journey but also find the deepest benefit from submission and rest.

Silent Prayer
Sabbath Prayer
Prayers of Service
Solitude
Scripture Meditation
The Prayer of Tears

Silent Prayer: Threes are so often focused on achieving something or getting it done that silence can be a difficult discipline. However, a Type Three can begin to grow in prayer and intimacy with God by realizing that God longs just to be with them, rather than be doing things for them or watching them do things. In the silence, the busy activity of a Three can settle and the more shy and uncomfortable experience of their emotional lives may emerge. Threes need to be careful not to make silence a challenge (let’s see if I can stay in silence for 25 minutes today!), but rather an invitation from God to simply be, to hold open space, to receive.

Sabbath Prayer: The space of rest is deeply important for a Three, who can see activity as equivalent to holiness. Sabbath prayer—whether it be pausing within a day to rest, to shabbat, to stop or taking a whole day to experience the delight and restoration of God—is countercultural to the more fallen side of the Three. Yet when a Three practices Sabbath, he or she becomes more deeply connected to their interior space and to others, having experienced God’s lavish delight over them and being willing to share it with others. The prayer of “stopping” (just stopping to be, to breathe, to notice in between activities or in transition) is a great discipline for a Three to undertake because it takes away the need for judgement or self-evaluation and focuses instead on being in the present moment.

Prayers of Service: Unlike a Type Two, service to others for a Type Three can be quite helpful in developing their awareness of God and their intimacy with the people whom He loves. That said, the types of service that a Three undertakes as a form of prayer need to be hidden. What I mean by this is that Threes will be tempted to think of themselves as holy or good (or to receive praise from others about their sacrifice or goodness) when they are performing acts of service for others. Threes who are being invited by God into a form of service as prayer need to be vigilant of their tendency to self-congratulate, and instead choose types of service (alms giving, walking a neighbor’s dog, volunteering at a hospice) that they don’t speak about to others and don’t consider glamorous or particularly “holy”. Service in this way draws a Three outside of their own impressions of themselves and into the needs of others and their community, into a communion with others that is modeled on the intimacy of our Triune God. This self-giving act becomes a form of prayer and unity with God that Threes will find healing and beneficial.

Solitude: On the heels of a recommendation to enter into community, I also recommend that Type Threes find time to practice solitude. Threes in particular can find themselves overly identified with either their group (I’m a part of a Pentecostal church or I’m a Republican) or their role (I’m an exceptional father or I’m an incredible employee). This identification leads them to believe they themselves feel what a Pentecostal or Republican or good father or great employee feels (and does), rather than knowing what they actually feel and experience. Solitude helps a Three to begin to identify who they are inside without those roles and identifications. This process can be scary at first for a Three, but over time longer periods of solitude (and silence) help a Three to recalibrate their identify around their belovedness in God, rather than in the roles that they play.

Scripture Meditation: Meditation on Scripture, especially Ignatian meditation, can be very helpful for a Three that likes to analyze and get rules or regulations out of their time in the Word, rather than experience. Meditation on Scripture slows a Three down in a way that causes them to connect with their interior world and feel the leading of the Spirit. If a Three can disconnect from the need to experience Scripture “the right way”, he or she will be thrilled and carried by the diverse and beautiful ways in which the Holy Spirit speaks through an imaginative experience of the Word. Because Scripture is living and active, Type Threes will be unable to pin down their experience of Gospel Meditation in particular into “one way” of being with God. Instead, the Spirit will speak differently through the Word each time, and the Three will find freedom in surrendering to the creative complexity of God rather than having to have the Word “mastered.”

The Prayer of Tears: While it may be a surprise to the other Types, a Three has a deep well of tears within them because of their struggle with self-worth and self-esteem. I often recommend some kind of body work to a Three, whether it be chiropractic work, physical therapy or therapeutic massage (with an emphasis on the latter), as a way of accessing some of the deeper experience of the interior life from which Threes often stay disconnected. Tears themselves are a form of prayer, and it is helpful for a Three who is coming into a deeper connection with God, themselves and others to know that those tears are held and treasured by God, and that their appearance doesn’t have to mean that something is wrong—that instead, something could be very right indeed. Sometimes tears are our only prayer, and it is a very holy thing for a Three to get connected to their tears as way of communing and communicating with God.

Another Note On Prayer:

Threes can find their value in “doing” so much that even suggesting types of prayer can be a way of entering into more “doing.” Like Twos, physical expression of prayer can be helpful, but Threes also take this to extremes, becoming intense achievers even in non-competitive activities. The surrender that is helpful for Threes often involves community and confession, allowing others into their own places of insecurity and learning that they are loved not for what they produce but for who they are. In this way, prayer for Threes is most helpful when it is communal and oriented toward grace.

Type Three Playlist

(developed by Jennifer Brukiewa of Attending Grace Ministries)

Now it’s your turn.

Are you a Three?

What prayer forms have proven most helpful for you?

What ways do you struggle with prayer and your relationship with God?

Share with us in the comments.

For The Last Minute Lentens

Posted on March 3, 2014 by Tara Owens

Still struggling about what to do for Lent? Not sure that you’re up for this whole ashes-and-fasting thing? I’ve got a few suggestions for those of us who aren’t sure we’re into Lent this year, and if we are, we just aren’t sure what to do.

Beloved

This is an eCourse by Jan Richardson, who is one of the most lovely, grace-filled and beautiful artists I know. The course will be low-demand, but high-reward, and I recommend it.

Do you need a little more rest this Lent? Today is the last day to sign up for the Be Course, which is a Lent-long exploration of what it means to rest, and to fast from things like shame, self-loathing or rejection. Each week has a recipe and a new teacher.

Daily Lectionary

Do you have a complicated relationship with Scripture? Read it anew with the Daily Lectionary delivered to your inbox. This project by Preston Yancey will go year-long, but starts on Ash Wednesday, and is completely free. Sometimes our struggles with Scripture come because we’ve been reading it through the scrim we’ve been given, and coming to the Word fresh, letting Scripture speak to Scripture, makes everything new.

A Lenten Check In

If you’d like to talk through what might be right for you this Lent, I’m offering a limited number of pay-what-you-can 30-minute slots of prayer and discernment. You could use this to decide what you want to fast from or pick up for Lent, or as a check-in midway through the season to talk about how things are going, and what God might be up to. Email me here to sign up. Regular sessions are $75, but the pay-what-you-can offer stands.

Book Update: We Have A Title & A Release Date!

Posted on February 11, 2014 by Tara Owens

Friends, you’ve been with me on an arduous journey.

This book has gestated for longer than a baby elephant, and you’ve been with me, for me, praying for me and beside me in each phase of this process. What began as a twinkle became a few classes became a book proposal became a book contract became a deadline and (after missing it badly a few times) became a rough draft and finally a mansucript. That manuscript is now being refined in the capable hands of InterVarsity Press, it’s publisher, and it is working it’s way into your hands from there.

I am so grateful to you, and so excited to start spreading the great grace-filled message of the redemption of our bodies, of how good they are, of how God speaks so intimately and beautifully in and through the very stuff of our selves.

I am so grateful for my guides and helps along the way, many of whom I’ll be talking about in more detail as the release date approaches.

So, enough baiting you. We have a release date! This book will be in your hands in December 2014. That’s right—this year! I’m looking forward to getting advance copies out, running a few promotions, getting to meet some of you in person, and talking to you about what it means to live well in our bodies.

Speaking of living well in our bodies, this seemingly incorporeal thing called a “book” finally has a name. It has real words put to real paper, and a real and finite title that encapsulates what I believe to be an important and redeeming message of wholeness:

Embracing the Body:

Finding God in Our Flesh & Bone

(*whispers proudly* I love it? Don’t you love it?)

It’s going to be a long 11 months until I have this baby in my hands, but I’m excited to share bits and pieces as I can, and have you be part of the process.

In that light, I’d like to invite you to pray with me over these words, this message. Will you pray that it gets into the right hands, that it goes to the people who need it most? I don’t care if that’s 50 people or 50,000 people (my publisher would prefer the latter, I’m sure, but I just want it to bring wholeness, shalom, to those who are longing for it), but I want these words that wove themselves from God’s heart through my body and into this story to heal, to bring hope, to create more spaces for Jesus to move and the Kingdom to come. So, would you pray that? Would you pray God’s Kingdom over this book even now? Would you pray over the pages to be printed and the ink to be spilled? Would you pray over the paper and the dyes and the stamps and the envelopes? Would you pray over the words inspired by the Word, that this book would be more than just another heavy yoke on an already burdened people but instead would be freedom and life and light? Would you pray that this book would be incarnational, sacramental, a real, tangible sign of God’s goodness in the world?

Pray however you’re lead, my friends, but please pray. Big or small, I’m excited to see what God’s going to do with this project of my heart.

So what do you think? What does the title elicit in you? What does it make you hope for? What does it make you wonder about?

Slouching Toward Lent

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Tara Owens

Epiphany has been good to me this year. Despite the darkness of winter, my world has been cloaked white and bright. The Scriptures have shimmered with the play of light and dark, and I’ve watched that Light caress its way through each reading, each page, the Presence of God so present and real that the darkness is no barrier to Him. I’ve been pondering the mysteries of light and dark in Genesis 1, and doing so with a beautiful, messy rag-tag bunch of believers in a way that feeds my soul.

I’ve been waking up with Psalm 23 on my lips: Yahweh is my shepherd; I will experience nothing as missing.

So, I’ll admit, the awareness Lent, which starts in a mere month on Wednesday, March 5 (Ash Wednesday), is still a reluctant one in my soul. I can see her—with her radiant melancholy, her holy beauty, the chains of oppression and addiction and affluenza broken around her feet, clanking like castanets as she dances—out of the corner of my eye. I’m not ready to turn my head. Not yet.

At the same time, it’s good to heed her dancing presence. It’s good to prepare, even though I’m not yet ready (when am I ever ready?) Lent is, in many ways, another season of light. It’s the light that exposes, the light that shows us ourselves truly, the light that helps us live in reality before God and others, the light that shows us our places of brokenness and leads us gently on the path to shalom.

And that’s a path I can’t walk alone—none of us can. Wholeness, shalom, is never accomplished in isolation. We need one another on this stumbling journey of faith, we need the companions who talk with us on the road, who witness with us when the stranger who spoke so wisely among us turns out to be Jesus—and vanishes, somehow, once more. Just when we thought we had a hold of Him.

In that light (see what I did there?), I thought I’d share a few Lenten resources and suggestions with you. You still have time to order most of them in time for them to arrive before March 5. If you do, I encourage you to grab a friend and go through whatever resource you’ve chosen together. Talk about it along the road. Consider what’s happening in you. Interact, chew, pontificate with others on this Calvary journey. And if you have other helps for the journey that you would like to suggest, share them with us in the comments.

God For Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Lent and Easter

If you’ve been around here awhile, you know how much I love God With Us, a guided set of readings and art for Advent, Christmas and Epiphany. This year, the publishers have come out with a similar resource for Lent, with readings from authors like Lauren Winner, Richard Rohr, Kathleen Norris, Luci Shaw and others. I’m looking forward to walking through this book this year myself, and if there’s enough interest, might host a few book club type discussions of it on the blog.

Beloved: An Online Journey Into Lent & Easter

Jan Richardson is a gifted artist and writer, and I’ve taken both her online Advent and Lent retreats, much to the enrichment of my soul. Her online retreat costs $90, and includes a daily email reflection (Monday-Friday), as well as an optional (and very active) online forum if you want to interact in community with others during the retreat. Jan’s art and words are just the type of gift that make this season so very rich.

7 Books for Lent

Last year, I talked about a number of other books that are also good companions along the journey. Those recommendations still hold, so surf on over to read about resources from Richard Rohr, the Irish Jesuits and Thomas Merton, among others.

What To Give Up

I’ve also talked before about what you might consider giving up for Lent, in 13 Things To Give Up For Lent and Six Weird Things to Give Up For Lent. I’ll be writing more about that later this month, but if you want some early inspiration, click on over there.

Be: Life and the Rest of It

Finally, I’m co-leading one week of an eCourse on Lent, curated by Brandy Walker of Brandy Glows. This retreat isn’t for the super spiritual, or even for the professing Christian (although I, and many of the co-leaders, do love and profess Christ). This retreat is for the tired, the burned out, those that aren’t sure about religion any more (or ever). The focus of the time will be rest (per the title), and incorporating life-giving spiritual practices into your regular routine, accompanied by recipes and lots of self-care. The early bird cost is $87, so if your soul shouted “YES!” when you read the word “rest”, hop on over and register. I’m leading the week of Holy Week, and will be talking about spiritual direction and holy listening, among other things.

Other Stuff

Oh, and if you want to visit some of my other thoughts on Lent, you’re welcome to here and here and here.

So, what about you? Do you have a favorite Lenten resource or practice? Are you ready for Lent, or just watching her out of the corner of your eye, like me?

A Different Kind of Advent Story

Posted on December 18, 2013 by Tara Owens

Ex. 24:12-18

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Come up to Me on the mountain and be there; and I will give you tablets of stone, and the law and commandments which I have written, that you may teach them.”

13 So Moses arose with his assistant Joshua, and Moses went up to the mountain of God. 14 And he said to the elders, “Wait here for us until we come back to you. Indeed, Aaron and Hur are with you. If any man has a difficulty, let him go to them.” 15 Then Moses went up into the mountain, and a cloud covered the mountain.

16 Now the glory of the Lord rested on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days. And on the seventh day He called to Moses out of the midst of the cloud. 17 The sight of the glory of the Lord was like a consuming fire on the top of the mountain in the eyes of the children of Israel. 18 So Moses went into the midst of the cloud and went up into the mountain. And Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

Ex. 32:1

Now when the people saw that Moses delayed coming down from the mountain, the people gathered together to Aaron, and said to him, “Come, make us gods that shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.”

There are so many stories that we tell of waiting, stories of the Simeons and the Annas, the Zechariahs and the Elizabeths that we lean into during the Advent season. There are stories of consummation and stories of hope deferred. There are stories of those days to come when every tear will be wiped from our eyes, when we will see it all clearly and know the goodness of God in the land of the living.

It’s a wonder to me in all this waiting that we don’t tell the story of Moses on the mountain, that we don’t tell the story of Exodus 24.

I suppose it’s because, for the most part, we see this as a story of failed waiting.

And, in some ways, that’s what it is. The Hebrew people, alone in the desert, need something to worship, something that they can see and touch and, here’s the real part, control. You’ve probably heard that talked about, taught, preached on. There’s no need to point out the idols, the golden calves, that we all have. We’ve had them pointed out enough, haven’t we? And even if we haven’t, we know, with just a cursory glance over our lives, we know what they are.

For me, though, the story of Moses and the children of Israel at Mount Sinai is an Advent passage not because of what happens in Exodus 32, but because of what happens in Exodus 24. Only four chapters earlier, the people told Moses that they were afraid to speak to God directly, that they wanted him to speak to the Lord and bring back His words. They’d seen lightning and fire, felt the shaking of the earth and the power of God’s presence.

Now, in Exodus 24, Moses is going up the mountain again, being beckoned there by God. “Wait here for us until we come back to you,” says Moses.

Wait.

With these words, Moses, their leader, the one who has calmed them, spoken for them, encouraged them and explained things to them leaves. To climb Mount Sinai (which, incidentally, is the very same mountain, Mount Horeb, where Moses met God at the burning bush—God does have a penchant for renaming things, you’ll notice).

Wait, says Moses.

He doesn’t tell them how long he’ll be gone, or what to do while he’s chatting with the Almighty. He doesn’t give them any further elaboration on the Ten Words (the most accurate translation from the Hebrew of what we call in English the Ten Commandments), or tell them to take up basket weaving while he’s gone. Just, wait.

So hard to do at the best of times.

And if I were the people of Israel, with the one that I trusted my life to throwing a few words over his shoulder as he trekked toward the One I’d seen turn the Nile into blood, I might just feel a little, well, abandoned.

It’s all of those pieces, I think, that contribute to the great contradiction that’s found in verses 16, 17 and 18.

Do you see it?

Take a moment. Scroll up and read it again.

Here’s Moses, at the top of Mount Sinai. Covered in cloud. If you’ve ever been in a thick, thick fog, where you couldn’t see your own outstretched hand, it was probably a little like that. White, muffled, still. And, like fog, the cloud would have softened the edges of everything, making the world seem porous. Moving around would have been a bit dangerous, so it’s possible that Moses was hanging out just in one place. It must’ve been something, hearing God’s voice from the midst of that white, wet wonderland. I would have wanted to stay, with the voice of the One who loves me reverberating off of all those suspended drops of water, like being inside the world’s womb.

It’s odd, then, what comes next. The words matter, and not just because they strike hard against the picture painted in verse 16. At the bottom of the mountain, what the people of Israel see, what the white, gentle, resonant cloud is to them, is a consuming fire. Not just burning—destroying, ravaging. The word consuming here has the same root as the word for that which they were commanded not to do in the Garden—eat. The image is stark, and as one who has watched wildfires consume great tracts of land, I get it. Consuming fire is terrifying, and nothing survives it.

So Moses went into the midst, says verse 18, but we’re back at the top of the mountain once more, and it isn’t fire, not really, it’s cloud.

The Scriptures are clear, here, that what is actually happening at the top of this mountain is different than what the nation of Israel is seeing when they look at the mountain.

Standing at the foot of Sinai, it looks like there’s no way Moses will ever survive forty minutes, let alone forty days, in this raging inferno. Standing at the top of the mountain, Moses is surrounded by grace.

What we see tells us a whole lot about where we are.

Wait, says Moses, the word echoing down the centuries into our Advent here and now.

Wait, even when it looks like God is a fire. Wait, even when everything your eyes see is destruction. Wait, because everything that seems like consumption and death will be revealed as something else all along.

Wait, because your eyes have been shaped by the narrow place, by Egypt, and it hasn’t been so long since you’ve left that place where you couldn’t be you, couldn’t worship freely, behind. Wait, because those eyes aren’t the eyes of Moses, shaped by decades in the wilderness, eyes that saw the bush wasn’t consumed after all.

Wait, because you’ve been trained to see as a slave, live as a slave, seek leaders who will treat you as a slave. Wait, though your slave-eyes see fire, because the God who called you out into this wilderness, waiting place is coming to transform you.

Wait, oh, just wait, beloved, when you feel abandoned, because maybe, just maybe, you too, will be called up this mountain. Maybe, just maybe, you too, will see that this place that was fire is truly cloud and the voice of the Lord will call to you from within it, calling out all of who you are and all of who you are meant to be.

Now that’s an Advent story, wouldn’t you say?

An Advent Announcement

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Tara Owens

I’m so excited to share this great early Christmas present I got in the mail early last week:

I know, I know, you can’t really tell, right? I’m just holding a piece of paper in front of a Christmas tree (whose name is Tilly, by the way.)

Well, that piece of paper is the contract I signed with my new and amazing agent, Rachelle Gardner!

I’m humbled to be able to work with Rachelle, who represents a few people you might already know.

I’m really thrilled to be partnering with such a talented, thoughtful and like-spirited agent. As I finish up edits on my current project (which has a title! that I’m not going to tell you yet!), Rachelle and I are planning and dreaming and thinking about what’s coming next in the writing world for me and for Anam Cara.

In that light, I wanted to let you know about a few upcoming events in the Anam Cara world that you might be interested in:

Coming Home to the Body: A Woman’s Journey toward Contemplative Embodiment: I’m thrilled to be partnering with Christine Valters Paintner of Abbey of the Arts in teaching in her online retreat, Coming Home to the Body. There’s a huge lineup of amazing teachers, and I think this is a topic we in the body of Christ desperately need to address more fully and more regularly. This will be a wonderful journey starting January 1, and what a better time to be kind to and aware of your body, when the New Year’s resolution shame-machine is ramping up to a frenzied pitch. I love how Christine describe this time: “This program is rooted in the conviction that our bodies offer us the deepest wisdom, wisdom that can guide us through the river of life. The more we deepen into the body’s wisdom the more we will find greater freedom, joy, nourishment, rest, and empowerment for exquisite self-care. This is the dancing monk’s practice. This is the journey into the “last unexplored wilderness.””

Christianity21: Also in January, I’ll be giving a seven-minute talk at Christianity21 in Denver (Jan 9.-11). This is going to be my first time on a big stage doing a TED-like talk, so please come out and cheer me on. That, plus the event is packed with amazing speakers, including the incomparable Phyllis Tickle. (This is a GREAT. BIG. DEAL., so please be praying even if you can’t attend.)

Book Giveaway: Finally, if you missed it, the winners from last week’s guest post and book giveaway are posted on the blog. If you get me your name and address, I’ll get you your book by Christmas.

Thanks for celebrating with me, friends! 2014 is going to be an exciting year.

Christians & Masturbation

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Tara Owens

As some of the Anam Cara Community are aware, I write, speak and teach on the topic of sexuality and spirituality. It’s a great gift to be able to do this—our sexuality is a vital part of who we are and what it means to be fully human, and our spirituality is deeply connected to it. I love the conversations, giggles and healing I’ve been a part of as I’ve brought God’s hope to this part of ourselves.

Today, I’m over at Rachel Held Evans blog talking about the topic of Christians and masturbation, where I was one of seven perspectives on the subject. Here’s a small excerpt.

Like many of the questions surrounding sexuality, I don’t think we can find simple answers—or any answers that hold together in real life situations—outside of the context of relationship. For me, sexuality is broader than mere genital expression (intercourse, foreplay, masturbation, etc.), and encompasses all of the embodied ways that we desire connection with the world, with one another, and with God—as well as all of the ways we go about expressing that desire. While that definition can be taken to extremes, taking a broader view of sexuality allows us to see the ways that sexuality impels us to connection with one another. Taken in this context, masturbation and whether or not it is a healthy expression of sexuality for a particular individual become questions of whether or not the acts of masturbation at a particular season of life are drawing you deeper into isolation from others and from God, or into deeper connection and intimacy.

Click here to read more.

If you come back later in the week, I’ll give you more than just a few paragraphs on the subject. If you have questions, please post them in the comments. I’ll do my best to answer them.