Spiritual Friendship Archives - Page 2 of 2

Prayer for the Woman in the Minivan Putting on Her Makeup at the Stoplight

Posted on August 31, 2017 by Tara Owens

I blame my friend, Tanya Marlow, for forcing me to make room to write this one out. You can blame her, too.

Prayer for the Woman in the Minivan Putting on Her Makeup at the Stoplight
After Brian Doyle

I will say, at first, that I’m glad you weren’t checking social media or texting or even reading email while you waited, which is what I see so many people doing these days while driving, and even myself, I confess. Father, forgive me. And I know you will probably be embarrassed that I saw you leaning into the small mirror in the visor before you, carefully dragging the mascara wand through lashes you most likely think are too thin or not curly enough or too short. But in seeing you in that moment I saw the vast and vulnerable humanity of us all—caught in between here and the world to come—trying desperately in our own small and humble ways to make the world a little bit more beautiful, a little bit more worthy of being looked at in the eyes when being talked to, a little bit more redeemed. However misguided our fumbling attempts, however we contain the sunsets with gilded frames and inspirational quotes—as if the glory of the Heavens needed a paint job—we are still trying, all of us, our engines idling in the rush between dropping off the kids and getting to the meeting, to bring the world into focus, to call forth something magnificent. And you did, you know: you and Cover Girl. You showed me the face of God. And so, amen.

A Spiritual Director’s Prayer

Posted on May 7, 2015June 6, 2025 by Tara Owens

As I read this prayer to a directee today, I realize that God had brought it to heart and mind not just for that person, but for myself as a spiritual director. Sometimes I struggle to find a way to express the “why” of what I do as a director, but this poem by Ted Loder captures at least part of the soul behind being an anam cara*.

Bring More Of What I Dream

O God,
who out of nothing
brought everything that is,
out of what I am
bring more of what I dream
but haven’t dared;
direct my power and passion
to creating life
where there is death,
to putting flesh of action
on bare-boned intentions,
to lighting fires
against the midnight of indifference,
to throwing bridges of care
across canyons of loneliness;
so I can look on creation,
together with you,
and, behold,
call it very good;
through Jesus Christ my Lord.

Ted Loder, Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle, p. 115

*Anam cara is the Gaelic word for “soul friend.”

Let There Be Light

Posted on November 3, 2013 by Tara Owens

God is beautiful, mysterious, good and so much bigger than I can possibly comprehend. As a spiritual director, I only get small glimpses into His work in the lives of those with whom I journey, only short looks through a window of His Spirit into His kind plans and His grace. It may seem like nothing, these glimpses, but it really is enough, because I trust Him to be at His work with or without me. I trust Him that He’s moving, bringing about life, wholeness, redemption.

And every now and again He just opens curtains wide, just for a moment.

There’s so much light everywhere, so much glory.

And I’m humbled. Awed.

Those are the “Let there be light” moments, and the whole world burns bright.

These are the gifts of the journey. The times when walking alongside others is inarticulate joy.

Shhh! Something New Is In the Works!

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Tara Owens

Just for my blog readers, I wanted to let you know that something new (well, lots of new things, actually, but I can’t tell you about those yet) is in the works at Anam Cara Ministries.

I’m really excited to be working on a new offering for those longing to go deeper with God.

Head on over to the Retreats & Resources page to check it out.

Oh, you want a hit?

Okay, okay. Here’s one: Retreat Curation.

(I’m SO excited!)

Spiritual Friendship For Children

Posted on June 22, 2013 by Tara Owens

“In human life nothing holier can be desired, nothing more useful sought after, nothing is harder to find, nothing sweeter to experience, nothing more fruitful to possess than friendship. For it bears fruit both in this life and the next, showing forth all virtues in its sweetness and in its strength destroying vice. It softens the blows of adversity and moderates elation in prosperity.

Without friendship there can be hardly any happiness among humans; they may well be compared to animals if they have no one to rejoice with them in good fortune or sympathize with them in sorrow, no one to whom they can unburden themselves in time of trouble, or with whom they can share some especially uplifting or inspiring insight.

Alas for anyone who is alone and has no one to lift him up when he falls. Without a friend one is indeed alone. But what joy it is, what security, what a delight to have someone to whom you dare to speak as to another self; to whom you are not afraid to admit that you have done something wrong, or shy of revealing some spiritual progress you have made; someone to whom you can entrust all the secrets of your heart and with whom you can share your plans.”

St. Aelred of Rievaulx

This quote is part of an essay I contributed to a project that I’m really excited to see born. It’s called “Wild Goslings,” and my small part was a piece on how we can encourage our children toward spiritual friendship and true listening.

If you’d like to learn more, you can watch the trailer below. (Gentle caution for those who are sensitive, there is a little “language”.) I think you’ll be as excited as I am.

Wild Goslings from Brandy Walker on Vimeo.

From Brandy: I believe that the younger we are, the more we intuitively understand the unfettered wildness of God. I believe that in some ways we have much more to learn from our daughters and our sons than they could ever learn from us.

For the past several years, I have been dreaming of putting together a massive resource for teachers and parents to help change the way we look at teaching our kids about God and spirituality. When I first started my blog, I was using imaginative prayer and reading to help my daughter, who was six or seven at the time, feel closer to God. She loved it. She used to request special exercises in which she would imagine she was with Jesus in her favorite places in the world. And I envisioned creating a book of spiritual disciplines for kids.

11 Questions to Ask A Prospective Spiritual Director

Posted on October 28, 2011 by Tara Owens

You’ve heard about spiritual direction, and learned as much as you can about it. You’re ready to begin the process of finding a spiritual director to accompany you as you walk with God. As I tell those with whom I’m exploring a spiritual direction relationship, it’s important to ask all the questions that you want in order to get to know your prospective director. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to know where to start, so here’s a list of 11 questions that might be helpful to ask during your first session with a prospective spiritual director.

1. What kind of training did you undertake to become a spiritual director?

This question helps you understand the background and training of your director. You may be more comfortable with a director who has gone through an accredited program, or a supervised practicum in spiritual direction. On the other hand, someone who has been giving direction for a long time but may not have gone through a formal program. What is most importnat to you?

2. How long have you been giving spiritual direction?

You can ask this question in terms of years, or in terms of hours. Some directors may have been giving direction for years, but have only had one or two directees during that time. Others may not have been giving direction for as long, but have a number of directees, meaning that they have a greater total hours of experience. While the numbers themselves may not be important to you, understanding the level of direct experience your director has in the practice of direction is helpful to know.

3. Do you have a spiritual director?

Someone who practices spiritual direction definitely understands the value of having a spiritual director as they journey with God. I believe that spiritual directors should, where possible, be in direction themselves as they care for their own spiritual lives.

4. Do you have a supervisor or a peer group?

This is an extremely important question to ask. One of the ways that a spiritual director cares for you and tends your soul is to actively seek accountability and supervision of peers or those in spiritual authority. This process helps your director grow and allows them to seek consultation and wisdom.

5. Are you part of any professional spiritual direction associations? Do you hold to a formal code of ethics from any of these?

There are numerous spiritual direction associations that have a formal code of ethics for spiritual direction. Whether your director is part of these associations is something that can help you decide on the right director for you. More often, directors who have a private practice or are only loosely associated with a church will be part of these associations. Sometimes directors who are part of a monastery have enough accountability within their order that they feel other associations are unneccesary.

6. What’s your guiding image of spiritual direction?

Each director holds one or more images of what the spiritual direction relationship is to him or her. Whether this is as a companion, mentor, guide, friend or any other image, knowing what guides them in their practice of direction will help you know if this director fits well with your desires for the spiritual direction relationship.

7. What has your journey with God been like?

Some people might feel that this is too personal a question to ask a spiritual director; however, this is someone with whom you’ll be sharing one of the most intimate areas of your life—your spiritual journey. Feel free to ask them about their journey wtih God. Not only will this help establish relationship, you’ll learn a lot about your director’s background, assumptions about God, and spiritual history.

8. What is your experience tending your own life of prayer, contemplation and meditation?

Again, this seems like a deeply personal question, but it’s one that your director will be asking you on a regular basis. Learning more about your director’s practices will help you understand if this person is a good match for you.

9. What kind of on-going education or enrichment in spiritual direction are you undertaking?

The spiritual journey is never static—neither is the practice of spiritual direction. It’s important to know what your director is doing to continue learning and growing, placing him or herself under a teacher to grow in the practice of spiritual direction.

10. What kind of covenant or agreement will we establish between us in the on-going spiritual direction relationship?

While some directors prefer an informal, spoken covenant (including, necessarily, confidentiality), I personally prefer a written agreement that both the director and directee sign in order to establish roles, responsiblities and appropriate boundaries. This can sometimes seem like “just paperwork” but a formal agreement help you to feel safe and protected within the direction relationship. This agreement also helps you to understand the spiritual perspective that your director will be operating from. As a Christian spiritual director, I welcome people from other faiths or those who are seeking God in my spiritual direction practice; that said, my agreement document states that I practice from a Christian perspective and will be talking about Jesus. It also clarifies that I’m comfortable with Christians from all denominations, and I make space for differing theological viewpoints and understandings without needing to change them. Ask yourself how important it is for you to have a Catholic director if you are Catholic, or a Protestant director if you are Protestant. Would an Orthodox director be okay for you, even if you’re Jewish? Coming to the initial session with these questions answered will help you make the right decision for you.

11. Do you charge for spiritual direction? If so, how much?

This last question sometimes gets taken for granted. Some spiritual directors wouldn’t think of charging for direction, and others have established a private practice in which they charge a specific amount per session or per hour. Other directors charge on a sliding scale of donation. If payment is a hardship, speak candidly with a potential spiritual director about that. In some cases, even paying a minimal amount toward direction helps you to understand the investment in your spiritual growth that meeting with a spiritual director is, and creates value in dedicating the time to that endeavor.

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Was this list helpful to you?

Are there other questions that you think should be asked in the initial spiritual direction appointment? What might they be?