Today has been a day of quiet fatigue. Like most Mondays, the day has been rimmed with email, phone calls and reading things that need to be read. I've sent out confirmation emails to my directees for the week, spent some time reflecting on what God might have in store for them and done a little schedule rearranging. I've reviewed the notes for the class on Sexuality & Spiritual Direction that I'll be teaching on Thursday night. And I've noticed, gently, that I'm tired.
The fatigue isn't particularly surprising to me. Last week was the Retreat in Daily Life. I organized and oversaw more than 120 spiritual direction appointments and spent 15-hour days on location. My personal rhythm of rest and engagement was thrown to the wind as I listened with nearly 30 dear souls in their journeys with God. While I (thankfully) didn't see all those retreatants myself (thank you, thank you to my team of directors), I did hold their stories in my heart and felt them in the depths of my soul.
Today, instead of my (way too) usual mode of pushing myself back into activity and engagement, I've allowed there to be space in my schedule and in my heart. I've breathed deeply. And I've paid attention to the simple things.
The titmice returning to the feeder once again.
The taste of jasmine tea brewed just right.
The way the shadows on the back fence move and merge as the day grows long.
I consider these simple acts of attention to be prayer. There is no heroic effort, no muscular wrestling myself into silence or lathering myself into intercessory prayer. I have to say, I'm not evening thinking much about God, although I'm still undone by the miraculous works He did in people all week long.
I'm just noticing the simple things. Letting that be enough. Releasing my need to be "seen" or "productive" or even "valuable."
Oh, what grace. Grace in the titmice and the tea and the shadows. Grace in the resting and the receiving. Grace in God praying in and through me, even when I'm not thinking about Him.
It's the simple things that restore on days like these.